must. resist. blog.

Why Bother, TBS...?!?

2007-12-06T21:59:00.001-06:00

I watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on TBS tonight. (Great movie, so-so station.)

Anyway, I wonder what passes for censorship nowadays. Imagine my surprise when I heard the word "asshole" unedited. (I knew they could say "ass," didn't know it was possible to say the "hole" thing. ;) ) Then, of course, there were other unedited words like "crap," "Hell," "damn" and "dickless." Yet they edit out the "God" in "goddamn" as well as "shit?" Do you really think that anyone watching the movie that would complain about a word like "goddamn" are going to say, 'but it's OK that they kept "asshole" in'?)

Why bother, nighttime cable television? You let every other piece of profanity on the air!

Interesting Links (20071206)

2007-12-06T12:02:00.000-06:00

...from a co-worker:

Formula concerns arise

Toyota shows violin-playing robot

A Family (Guy) Restaurant?

2007-11-27T12:34:00.000-06:00

I saw a commercial this weekend with which I take exception. Well, OK, it's not the commercial as much as the principle of the thing. It was for Subway, and apparently, they know have Peter Griffin, (of Family Guy fame), as a spokesperson. (Spokescartoon?) Anyway, it's inappropriate for a "family restaurant," (yes, they have "kids meals"), such as Subway to be using someone from such an adult-oriented show to sell their wares. Don't get me wrong: I like Family Guy, but would I want my younger kids to watch it? No. You'd never see McDonald's using such a spokesperson, (not that they're perfect either).

Are the pickin's that slim, Subway? Or do you just hope to sell more subs by being a bit "edgy?"

Oh, and by the way, I've never once received a sub in your restaurants that looks anything like the monster sandwiches you show in your commercials. There's no way Jared would have lost that much weight if he was getting that much food every time he ordered one of your subs.

Rock On, Rock Band!

2007-11-27T12:14:00.001-06:00

...just don't do it for long, or you'll break the guitar.

My Son bought Rock Band for the Xbox 360 last Tuesday and we've taken the Fender Stratocaster that it comes with back to Best Buy, (not their fault, it's just where we bought it originally), twice to be replaced. It started acting up on me again last night, so that makes three times in a week. The problem is with the strum bar either not registering notes, or registering too many notes. This is apparently a big/known issue, (see thread). Other than that, it's a pretty cool game.

License Plate Impropriety?

2007-09-12T12:06:00.001-05:00

I was just wondering, after seeing a car yesterday with a license plate of "ROCK OUT", how does one go about getting such a plate from the DMV? Is no one there familar with the expression "rock out with your..." Well, I'm assuming you know the rest...

Is it OK to have a plate that just insinuates but doesn't say? What's next?

How about "TEABAG"?

Then of course there are plates like

I should mention that I heard a story some time ago about a driver whose license plates were taken away from him after he'd received them and put them on his car because he'd snuck one past the DMV. His plates read "3MTA3". Do you see it? If you need help, there's a hint in this Web page at snopes.com.

I'm sure that somewhere, the rules are all documented. I'd be curious what they say, and what I could get away with.

Maybe He Just Hasn't Won His Wings Yet...

2007-09-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day of my "new hours" and I realized something about our glorious leader. Perhaps he is really our guardian angel, sent from above to force us into better situations. Perhaps someone up there realizes how bad we have things here and that some of us will never take the initiative to improve our situation, so He actually had to force our hands by making things so miserable that we had no other choice.

Just a thought. I'm sure it would be the only time that our Bureau Director had ever been referred to in any such way, with eyes skyward. I'm fairly certain it's usually with a nod in the other direction.

Get Off the Road...!

2007-08-20T12:15:00.000-05:00

(Admittedly, this post is a bit late. It's something I was going to post many weeks ago, but didn't get to. Now with my new found "blog time," I figured I would play a little "catch up." I'm planning on an old post tomorrow as well.)

...My son is driving! He finally took his driver's ed this Summer and now has his "temps." What a milestone! Of his core group of three friends, only two of them rushed to start driving. He and another friend really had no interest, and decided that when one of them did finally take the plunge, that the other one would as well. So this Summer, that friend's parents made him do it, so...

Incidentally, did you know that the "proper" hand placement, "10 and 2" when I started driving, and "9 and 3" when my sister, (15 years my junior), started driving, is now "8 and 4"?!? What the Hell! Try it once. Talk about awkward! I much prefer my own style, thank you: right arm resting on the center "arm rest" at the elbow, left arm draped over the steering wheel at the wrist or below, at 12 o'clock.

Yeah...I am cool...

Thinking of...

2007-08-20T12:07:00.000-05:00

mrg and hcff, who are supposed to be inducing some time today. Best of luck, guys!

Everybody's Working (on) the Weekend...

2007-08-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

I began the rather daunting task this weekend of installing the wood laminate flooring that we bought a week or so ago from Menards. We're going to be doing the whole upstairs, with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom, (no stairs either, but arguably that's not the "upstairs" so should be implied). That means three bedrooms, the living room, dining room and the hallway. After most of Saturday and Sunday spent working on it, I've almost completed the master bedroom. I have only the closet to go, (and then installing the trim). I don't know what kind of drugs the people at Bob Vila's Web site were on when they said it should only take about 45 minutes. Perhaps when you've got a whole crew working on the thing, and everything is pre-cut. Well, I am still happy with the results.

More Time for Blog?

2007-08-15T12:04:00.001-05:00

I received an e-mail at work today after requesting an exception to the "standard" work hours that would:

Provide for extended coverage when paired with my co-worker who was requesting a similar, but earlier excaption, and
Account for the fact that I don't typically take a lunch hour, (allowing me to work an 8 hour day, rather than 8.75 hours).

Here's the e-mail:

From: Bureau Director, still older than Methuselah
Sent:  Wednesday, August 15, 2007 9:34 AM
To:    Me
Cc:    Section Chief; Division Administrator
Subject:       WORK SCHEDULE: Exception Request

Your request for an exemption from standard work hours has been reviewed, and is not approved at this time. As of September 10 your work hours will be 7:45AM-4:30PM. If you need additional time to comply with this schedule due to personal reasons please contact me to discuss.

We will continue to periodically review work schedules and make adjustments as necessary to meet agency support and customer service objectives.

If the nature of your daily work activity or project assignments requires adjustments to any daily work hours please discuss them with me or your section chief so we can accommodate the work activity on that day.

If you have any further questions or wish to discuss work hours further please contact me.

I have to wonder if this isn't back-lash due to the fact that I haven't complied with his "unofficial dress code" (request) forbidding his staff to wear shorts in the workplace. (FYI: there's almost no way he'd ever get that made "official" as it would never make it through HR and the Union.) At any rate, perhaps this will translate into more time for me to blog, as I am literally forced to take a lunch hour every day. We'll see...

Board To Revisit New School's Name After Hmong General's Arrest

2007-06-07T23:23:00.000-05:00

This is pretty amusing, for people that may believe "political correctness" has become an epidemic in our country. Most people reading this are probably already familiar with the story, but I just wanted to document it...

News Story - WISC Madison

It's All About the Precedent, Baby...

2007-06-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Oh, yeah...and it's freaking disgusting!

‘That Paris deal’ sets horrible precedent - Celebrity News - MSNBC.com

...More on the decline of our civilization...

...And then there's this lovely story... Their parents...oops, I mean guardian, must be so proud...

Reality Bites

2007-06-05T23:09:00.001-05:00

Ugh. I have been so sick of reality television for so long. I just don't get the fascination. Every time I see some new reality show, I am shocked by how the creators, (and subsequently, the viewing public), will sink to new lows. Now I am even more convinced that reality television is contributing to the decline of our civilization...

People suck, in many ways...right? Many are selfish, inconsiderate, slovenly, rude, blah, blah, blah...I could go on. So what does reality television do with that attitude? It puts it in the spotlight. It glamorizes it. I think it could even be said that it makes (some) aspire to be like that. A week or two ago, my wife (*sigh*) was watching one of these crappy shows on E!, I think? Something about "celebrities" competing to shed pounds? Well, the part I saw had "Screech" from "Saved by the Bell" being the biggest jerk he could be, and cursing to the judges and his fellow competitors. And some of them were giving it right back to him. It was "*bleep* this," and "*bleep* you," and "I'm going to give you a big *bleep* so you can go *bleep* yourself with it," and then "Oh my *bleep*-ing *bleep*! I can't *bleep*-ing believe you, you piece of *bleep*! Don't you ever *bleep*-ing *bleep*-ity *bleep* *bleep* to me again, you *bleeeeep*."

sigh
Anyway, then the next morning? More of the same, as I awoke to a show called "Shear Genius" on Bravo, (I'd fallen asleep watching, believe it or not, a non-reality movie on Bravo the night before). Anyway, on this particular installment of tripe, some talentless hack was reacting to being put in her place by a judge, stating something like "I don't give a *bleep* what she thinks!"

Jesus, Joseph and Mary, people! When is this country's misguided fascination with this steady onslaught of garbage going to end? Let's put on some TV with some thought behind it. Something where you don't have to see the dregs of society at their "dreggiest," with nary an wholesome word in the entirety of their empty heads, much less what's spewing forth from their big pie-holes!

Reality television? I say thee, *bleep* you and the horse you rode in on!

Tragedy, But...

2007-04-19T00:51:00.000-05:00

A couple quick comments about this horrific Cho Seung-Hui story from Virginia Tech...

First of all, it is just horrible beyond belief that it happened. It saddens me to the core of my being, and I grieve so for the victims, and the families and friends left behind.

With that said, I think this is an unfortunate sign of the times that this monster's actions are spread throughout the media, everywhere you look. It frustrates me, (and others, I know), how much energy the media spends on covering the shocking, the terrible, the horrible news, and how relatively little effort they put into covering the positive, uplifting, inspiring ones. Is that a reflection on the quantity of such news there is of each end of the spectrum? Or is it just a reflection on the depths to which the media will stoop, nay, debase themselves, to sell a story? I suspect the latter, but perhaps it's a little of both. Of course one has to wonder as to the effect of near glamorizing the perpetrators of all these atrocities. It's like a child who doesn't get the attention/affection he craves by being a good boy, so instead lashes out and revels in the attention he does receive, albeit negative. It's better than nothing, right?

Then, there's the focus that some seem to have on the violent stories/screenplays this guy wrote for school. Apparently, he wrote such awful things about throwing hammers at people, and attacking them with chainsaws. Another one with students who fantasized about killing a teacher who had molested them. Cho's fellow classmates were horrified, wondering what he was capable of. Um...hello, people? You want to see more of that carnage? You need look no further than your local movie theater. Do people think the same thing about the guys who wrote Saw? Hostel? Turistas? So many, many more...? (And yes, they do seem to be predominantly guys, don't they?) My point is that perhaps Cho had become a product of our society. Maybe we need to take a closer look at the kinds of things that pass for "entertainment" these days. I'm not just talking movies, but television, music, books, video-games, blah, blah, blah... You name it, and "it's" boundaries of good taste are most likely being eroded. I hate to be this way, but I just have to wonder...

Finally, I would like to express my derision for the Westboro Baptist Church's plans to protest the Virginia Tech funerals. That is all I think I need to say.

I Don't Care What You Think; You're Not Cool!

2007-04-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

Hi...I'm back. It's been a while. Sorry. I've had lots of things going through my head, but just haven't taken the time to express them textually.

Anyway, just wanted to post about this stupid commercial for Madison Media Institute I keep seeing where this ridiculous loser girl tells us about her experience at "MMI." Um, I'm sorry, but take the fucking piercing out of your stupid ass lower lip before filming the commercial! Honestly, I have no problem with piercings...I even have a few myself. But I don't need to see your poser-ass self trying to look cool every other night on my TV! Aaauuuggghhh!

There, now you know how I feel. See you in another couple months. ;)

UPDATE(s):

20070413 - Oh, and I don't care what your professor told you in Keepin' It "Reel" 101, that bit where you pause, searching for just the right words to say, doesn't make you seem more genuine... It just makes you seem like an idiot! And it allows my attention to be drawn back to that stupid "bull ring" in your lip.

1-800-contAActs?

2007-02-14T23:57:00.000-06:00

Why exactly does 1-800-CONTACTS think their logo needs to look like a double-A battery?

C'mon! It's not just me that wonders this, is it?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T20:57:00.000-06:00

I guess I should also say "Happy Drive Like an Asshole Day!" (Of course it's also optionally called "Drive Like a Dumb-Ass Day," depending on whether you're inconsiderate or just incompetent.) Seriously, today, between the 2-3 accidents I saw on the road, (after they had occurred), the multiple people driving in my lane, either with me, or coming at me, and the multiple accidents that they were reporting on the radio during my drive home from work, everyone seemed to have forgotten how to drive today. And I'm sick of it!

Scrubs

2007-01-24T00:12:00.000-06:00

I've really been getting into Scrubs in syndication lately. I just love J.D.'s character. In tonight's rerun, he went to a bar to meet Turk and said to the bartender, "I'll have an Appletini, please. Easy on the 'tini,'" to which came the response, "no problem, lady."

Heh heh heh...

Then, the other night, there was an episode where the janitor had been posting signs around the hospital stating, "Senior? Gay?", followed simply by a picture of J.D.'s face. This resulted in a bunch of, (as J.D. put it), "old queens" meeting on his back porch to socialize. One night, after chasing them off again, as he was cleaning up after their party, J.D. thinks to himself, "I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?"

Classic...just classic...

Students Barred From Bus For Speaking English - Education

2007-01-11T15:26:00.000-06:00

Got this from my wife. Like she said: what if this was the other way around?

Students Barred From Bus For Speaking English - Education

Incredible...

'Octopuss' Car Wash

2006-12-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

I was driving past an Octopus Car Wash this afternoon, and noticed that they had the following displayed prominently on the sign in front of their establishment:

N O W H I R I N G
A L L P O S I T I O N ' S
I hope one of them is a grammar checker!

A Charter Analogy and Comment

2006-12-04T08:15:00.000-06:00

OK, analogy:

If I call my mechanic and complain to her/him that every night when I drive home during rush hour it takes me twice as long to get home, and further bemoan the fact that if there's ever an accident in front of me, traffic around me comes to a standstill, s/he is not going to respond with, "Do you drive a car or a truck? (car) Could you please turn your car off and back on again? (done) Since the problem persists, we'll need to send someone out to take a look at your car." No, of course they wouldn't say that. Yet, every time I call with problems with my high-speed Internet service, my poorly-trained Charter monkey from the country du jour does just that, once they've exhausted all possible troubleshooting techniques from their monkey's flowchart. (Most of which I've already done myself either before calling or while on hold with them anyway.) So my point is that this happened again around a week or so ago. I was unable to acquire an IP address from the Charter DHCP servers. Everything was working on my end, with my wireless router, my PCs, etc., but my cable modem just wouldn't get an IP address. So, after 45 minutes plus on the phone, the thickly accented monkey "checked" my network and informed me that my modem appeared to be receiving a "weak" signal and that she would dispatch someone to my house the next Monday, (today). "Fine," I said, (even though I hate the idea of still more monkeys that drive trucks coming to my house). Well, of course, the very next morning, my Internet was working just fine again, but I thought I'd leave the service call in place and see how things were the rest of the week. The result? It's been as good as Charter service ever is, (and all that that implies), so I called early this AM, (around 2:00), to cancel while watching "Scary Movie 3" on TV. the recorded message told me that they were experiencing "unusually high call volume" and my wait time could be 15 minutes. So I just left the phone sit loosely by my ear while watching my show. I wound up falling asleep. When I awoke some time later, I checked the phone, which was still playing the Charter muzak, and discovered that I had now been on hold for an hour and a half!

Real nice company...

Brrr...

2006-12-04T00:37:00.000-06:00

Oops.

Went to Kalahari last week Friday night, (more on that later, perhaps - there were some "issues"). Anyway, we have been lucky enough this year to have not have to turn on our heat yet. I try and last as long as we can with blankets and the occasional quick fire from the gas fireplace. Well, perhaps we could have turned it on a little bit before we left. Ummm...it was a little bit cold in the house when we got home...try like 47°F.

OK, we've turned the heat on a little now.

QOTD-20061129

2006-11-29T11:10:00.000-06:00

Question of the day, (not quote...) (Don't worry...I'm certainly not going to make this a daily thing...)

Anyway, I was driving in to work this morning and saw a car with a bumper sticker that got me thinking. The bumper sticker said, "School's Open, Drive Carefully." My question is: what does this guy, and others like him, do in the Summer?

I was talking about it to The Donald this morning, and he recounted seeing street signs near schools that cautioned "Slow Children Ahead." He didn't think that was very fair to the kids: some of them could be quite brilliant, he said.

This reminded me of a situation I've seen in the past. There's a small stretch of a highway M, extending from Westport to Middleton. This patch of road is a little winding in spots. Coming up on one of the curves a sign cautioned, "Blind Drive Ahead," to which I thought, "how do they do that?!?" And do I really wanna be anywhere near that when they do? Do they have little seeing-eye dogs running alongside the car with them? Or stick their arm out their open window with the little red and white stick tap-tap-tapping on the pavement lightning fast?

It makes you wonder...

Charter 'Franchise Fees' Increase

2006-11-26T12:44:00.000-06:00

From the "Important Information" of this month's Charter bill:

Effective on this billing statement, the amount of franchise fees collected is changing. Payment of franchise fees is a requirement of the franchise agreement between Charter and your community. All franchise fees collected are paid directly back to your community.

Well, I'm glad they cleared that up. I guess Charter can just increase "required" fees anytime they want and just justify it with some vague verbiage that no one is ever going to call them on. My "Franchise Fee" went up from $4.28 to $4.34. So what I would like to know is what they're doing now with my extra .06...

yay.

A 'Horrible Experience'

2006-11-19T23:07:00.000-06:00

That's what he called it. And said he never wanted to do it again.

These were the words spoken by my Son this morning, after spending the night camped outside of Target from 11 PM 'til 8 AM, waiting for the chance to purchase the new Nintendo Wii with a friend of his. Basically they were freezing.

The good news? I've got a Wii. Yay!

Bite The Hand That Feeds You?

2006-11-09T01:48:00.000-06:00

I was watching a little bit of Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals on Food Network tonight. In the episode, she was making a "stoup," as she called it. A cross between soup and stew: thicker than the former, but not as thick as the latter. She commented on how quick and easy it is to make homemade soup, stating that she never buys soup at the store any more. Shortly thereafter, they went to commercial: "this program is brought to you by Campbell's Soups."

Ouch...

Fishing for Information

2006-10-30T01:52:00.000-06:00

Some 25 years ago or so, I had a small part in a "made for TV movie," (if you will), called "Caught in a Pickle," (no, you won't find it on IMDb). It was about kids playing baseball, (and more), and aired on NBC Channel 15, WMTV, in Madison, Wisconsin. I have tried to look into getting a copy of the before, and when I called the TV station, they informed me that the guy who was responsible for the movie, (wrote? produced? directed? ???), has since left their station and took the it with him. (Huh?!? Does that happen?)

Anyway, if there's anyone else out there that is looking for, or has, more information on this, please let me know.

Thanks.

2 Real Good Movies This Weekend...

2006-10-30T01:10:00.000-06:00

I rented and watched Click, (6.8/10 stars on IMDb), on Saturday night, with Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale and Christopher Walken. Then watched The Lake House, (6.9/10 stars), on Sunday with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Both good movies, I felt. I would recommend either.

The Lake House got me thinking about something. I was familiar with the story, and I knew that both Sandra and Keanu had pretty similar roles, at least in terms of importance to the storyline. So I wonder, (I thought to myself as the opening credits rolled), who will get top billing? The answer? Keanu. I don't think I was surprised, but wondered if there wasn't some sexism going on there. I also wonder how similar their salaries were for the movie.

Stay: Real Good Movie

2006-10-25T01:47:00.000-05:00

I finally got to watch Stay, starring Ewan McGregor, Ryan Gosling and Naomi Watts. (You'll see I referenced it previously.) Anyway, I thought it was well worth the wait, and I'm glad I recommended it to mjl, even before having seen it. It just goes to show what great taste I have. It's a bit of an odd one...a "thinker," if you will. But then I really like movies like that.

Happy Friday the 13th

2006-10-16T02:19:00.000-05:00

Had a silent auction last Friday night at the elementary school where my eldest two kids went. (My youngest isn't there yet, but will be soon.) It wasn't anything too surprising, except the $100.00+ that I ended up donating to the school thanks to my Wife's love of auctions. Um...yah...

Anyway, when it was done, CM's friends came over and wanted him to go up to one of their houses where they've been working on a "tree fort" of a sort. It was about 8:30 PM, so I told him be back by 10:30.

About 9:30, we received a phone call from a cell number I didn't recognize. I answered it. It was the Mom from the "tree fort" house. She told me there had been an accident, and that CM had been hit in the face with a can of spray paint, had two big gashes, and would likely require stitches. She recommended that one of us should come up to get him. Yeah, I'll come up and get him, (grrr...)

So I drove up there, envisioning some teenage fight where CM and his idiot friends were playing around, throwing spray paint cans at each other, or some such nonsense. When I got there, I found CM in the bathroom with his friend and his friend's Mom, who had a wet washcloth gently pressed to his face. CM seemed kinda out of it. I said I didn't know whether to be thankful it wasn't worse, mad at the kids for doing something like this, or a combination. The Mom asked me if I'd like to see it, but I told her that blood and I don't get along too well together. I mean, I know we kinda need each other, but it's best off if I just don't get too close to it, if you know what I mean.

As I drove up to the ER, I heard the story about what happened. Apparently, CM's friend "AL" had thrown down some spray paint cans from the 2^nd level of their fort, 15 feet above the ground level, and CM had "gotten in the way" of one of the cans. It had knocked his glasses off and left him holding his face saying, "Ow, that really hurt!" Another of his friends had come up and asked him to take his hand away from his face so they could see the extent of the damage. That's when the blood started to run down his face. So it appeared as if the first gash, just above his right eyebrow, had been caused by the spray paint can. The second, slightly larger, gash, just below his right eyebrow, may have been caused by the frames of his glasses.

We arrived at the ER about 10:00 or so, and were there until about 1:00 AM. He received approximately 30-40 stitches total on the two gashes. Near the end of the process, the Lidocaine started wearing off and he started to feel the stitches. He later told me it was getting pretty hard to take. "That's good, in a way," I told him later in the car, after he had looked at his face in the visor mirror and exclaimed, "cool!" I didn't want him to just focus on the novelty of the stitches; I wanted him to remember the pain, and hopefully think twice before getting himself in a similar situation in the future. (I know...tough love.)

I took a picture when we got home after 1:00:
Then, about 24 hours or so later, his Mom took a picture too, now showing how the lid was getting black and blue:

Now, cut to Saturday night when, after letting him go out with friends earlier in the day, I told him "no" to going back out at night. I said he needed to rest the eye, his Mom was going to be home from work for a change on a Saturday night, and quite frankly, I still wasn't too happy with the whole situation from night before. The conversation continued in his room where I had pulled him and his Mom, out of earshot of his Sisters in the living room. It was pretty much one-sided: I vented, (calmly), and he glared, (with his good eye), at his wall, avoiding making "eye" contact with me as much as possible. Well, one of the major revelations to come out of this conversation was the discovery that it wasn't the "accident" that I had been led to believe the previous night. In fact, what had happened, apparently, was that while working on their fort, CM had put a leaf in his mouth, chewed it up, and spit it at AL. (Don't know why, he just did.) AL had then gotten mad, and chucked this spray paint can at my Son. "He's got anger issues," CM told me. WTF?!?

There was more that was discussed in Saturday night's conversation, but that was the critical part that I wanted to share with you.

Oh, and by the way, we had discussed the fact that this happened on Friday the 13^th, but CM insisted that he still isn't superstituous. "Good," I told him.

Budgie, Can You Spare a Dime?

2006-10-11T00:33:00.000-05:00

I was jumping on the trampoline in the backyard this past sunday with AB, my youngest. Haven't done that in a while. It was fun. While we were jumping, I heard a bird chirping nearby. I didn't think anything of it and kept jumping. As it kept chirping I thought to myself, "that sounds awfully close." So I decided to look around for it. Imagine my surprise when I looked up into the branches of a nearby crab-apple tree and saw a bluish Parakeet, (or more correctly Budgerigar), perched within. What made this seem even more remarkable was the fact that my sister had recently moved nearby, and during the move, had lost one of her "Budgies," a blue one. So I called to JL and told her what I was looking at and asked her to get something with which to catch it, (thinking it quite incredibly could have been my sister's). However, when she came back with a ladder and climbed to the top of the 8 foot tall squirrel cage over which I had seen it, she discovered that there were, in fact, two of them, one blue, one yellowish-green.

JL was pretty excited by this. She's always wanted Budgies. However, we had to do the right thing, so we called the local Humane Society. They told us that they had received one report on September 19^th from a man on our side of town who had lost two Budgies of the same colors. Long story short: after a trip out, it was decided that they weren't his. We felt pretty bad about it. Then on Monday, JL placed an ad in the online classifieds, but we've yet to hear anything from that.

Uneventful

2006-10-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Well, jury duty came and went. I was on the "panel" for the "voir dire" portion of the jury selection for two trials, but didn't make it to the final jury for either. Oh well, I guess it's back to work tomorrow.

What it does it say that I would rather sit through a potentially excruciatingly boring trial than go in to work? Nothing good, that's for certain.

'Haiku'-ic Justice

2006-10-06T01:53:00.000-05:00

I asked, "Can I go?",
They told me that I must stay,
Now they'll have no choice.

I asked, "Can I go?":
From: <Me> Sent: Tuesday, October 3, 2006 2:01 PM To: <Section Chief> Cc: <Co-worker> Subject: Time off I would like to ask off for October 24th through the 27th. Thank you, <Me>

They told me that I must stay:
From: <Bureau Director, older than Methuselah> Sent: Tuesday, October 3, 2006 2:40 PM To: <Me> Cc: <Division Administrator>; <Section Chief> Subject: RE: Time off request <Me>: I am sorry I cannot approve this request in view of the current status of the PC image, and the <project> issues that may impact the desktops. These are two critical projects that can have, and are having, significant ramifications on the agency and enterprise. If the PC image is approved for agency release and all <project> related issues are resolved before this date I would be inclined to favorably reconsider it if no other critical issues required your support. Regards, <Bureau Director> ______________________________________________ From: <Section Chief> Sent: Tuesday, October 3, 2006 2:03 PM To: <Bureau Director> Cc: <Me> Subject: FW: Time off request <Me> - forwarding to <Bureau Director>

They told me that I must stay:

From: <Bureau Director, older than Methuselah>
Sent:  Tuesday, October 3, 2006 2:40 PM
To:    <Me>
Cc:    <Division Administrator>; <Section Chief>
Subject:       RE: Time off request

<Me>:

I am sorry I cannot approve this request in view of the current status of the PC image, and the <project> issues that may impact the desktops. These are two critical projects that can have, and are having, significant ramifications on the agency and enterprise.

If the PC image is approved for agency release and all <project> related issues are resolved before this date I would be inclined to favorably reconsider it if no other critical issues required your support.

Regards,
<Bureau Director>

______________________________________________

From: <Section Chief>

Sent: Tuesday, October 3, 2006 2:03 PM

To: <Bureau Director>

Cc: <Me>

Subject: FW: Time off request

<Me> - forwarding to <Bureau Director>

Now they'll have no choice:
From: <Me> Sent: Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:26 PM To: <Section Chief>; <Bureau Director> Cc: <Co-worker> Subject: RE: My schedule... Well, I received my official notice today. I am to report for Federal jury duty next Tuesday, October 10, 2006 at 8:00 AM. I will let you know more when I know more. <Me> ______________________________________________ From: <Me> Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:10 PM To: <Section Chief> Cc: <Co-worker> Subject: My schedule... <Section Chief>, I neglected to mention this previously, and I have been reminded recently that I am "on call" for federal jury duty beginning next Monday, the 28th, for 3 months, (through November 30th?). I've never had to do this before, so I don't know how this will impact my schedule. I guess we'll see... <Me>

Now they'll have no choice:

From: <Me>
Sent:  Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:26 PM
To:    <Section Chief>; <Bureau Director>
Cc:    <Co-worker>
Subject:       RE: My schedule...

Well, I received my official notice today. I am to report for Federal jury duty next Tuesday, October 10, 2006 at 8:00 AM.

I will let you know more when I know more.

<Me>

______________________________________________

From: <Me>

Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:10 PM

To: <Section Chief>

Cc: <Co-worker>

Subject: My schedule...

<Section Chief>,

I neglected to mention this previously, and I have been reminded recently that I am "on call" for federal jury duty beginning next Monday, the 28th, for 3 months, (through November 30th?). I've never had to do this before, so I don't know how this will impact my schedule. I guess we'll see...

<Me>

Can ya' feel the inner peace? The very next day after they've denied my leave request, I'm able to tell them the Federal government says I'll be going anyway?!?

<Bureau Director>'s response to this?:

"Is it jury duty or do they just want you to receive your sentence? :-)"

(I'm sorry...did he just try to make a "funny?")

I tell you, sometimes it's almost worth getting up in the morning.

Fast Times at Hero High

2006-10-04T04:26:00.000-05:00

Good for another chuckle...

Heh-Heh-Holiday

2006-10-04T01:36:00.000-05:00

Cell Phone Pet Peeve

2006-10-01T23:42:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to say that I'm getting pretty sick of all the cell phone TV/radio ads, Web ads, etc. And all the new phone models that they keep coming out with?!? Gimme a break! How about you do it right the first time and quit wasting my time trying to sell me your "new and improved" model? I guess they should be called "sell" phones. (boooo...)

The End of Another Era

2006-09-30T23:59:00.000-05:00

WARNING: Possible Spoilers! By clicking the button below, you certify that you are 18 years of age or older:

I've always said I'm the best man...

2006-09-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

...this just proves it!

My Dad got re-married this last weekend, and chose me to be his best man. I stressed over the speech for a bit, but then finally put something together that I thought would work. Though I was still nervous. I decided that the best route would be for me to go with something a little humorous, but still with some heart. It's just who I am. :)

At his reception, my Dad found me mingling amongst the guests, (the happy couple wanted mingling), and told me, "better come up to the head table. We're going to do the champagne toast now."

"When should I do my speech?" I asked.

"You can do it before the toast," he said. "Or if you don't get to it, it's no big deal."

I think he could feel the steam beginning to come off my face. I had worked quite a while on that speech, and had stressed over it even longer. There was no way I was not giving that speech now. So I did it before the champagne toast.

I ad-libbed a little at the start and people seemed responsive. They were already laughing at me, (I get that a lot), so I felt that I would be OK. When the speech was over, I had so many people coming up to tell me how great they thought it was, that I almost grew tired (NOT!) of it. I had people telling me it was funny, yet touching. That it was one of the best 'best man' speeches that they had ever heard. One or two even called it "the best" such speech they had ever heard. Granted, there were probably some obligatory compliments in there, enhanced by the effects of alcohol, but still, I was quite happy.

And so, without further adieu, I give you...my speech, (sans ad-libbing...or laughter - you'll have to put that in yourself):

Once I began the task of writing this speech, I realized how daunting a task like this can be. It is a process of looking inside oneself, and trying to put some of your deepest, most personal feelings into words. It is exposing oneself to potential ridicule, leaving oneself vulnerable. It is truly a risky proposition.

I struggled for long hours with what to write, until finally I decided that I needed, and would wait for, inspiration, as if from above..., [look to the Heavens, and pause...]

...Nope, still nothing. Oh well, I have a back-up…

It's a big day for you two, Dad, Bev. I am truly happy for both of you and thrilled to see the crowd that turned out to help celebrate with you: family, friends, loved ones... Trevor... (my cousin...)

Not every Son gets to see his Dad get married, much less be the best man. This is truly an honor...and a privilege.

I suppose I (could) actually say it's an honor, (privilege) and a pleasure, but to be completely honest with you, I (don't) think the pleasure will really kick in (until after) I know the speech part is over.

We've been through a lot together, Dad. Good times...bad times... I feel like I've known you almost my whole life.

But change is inevitable, and so it is time that I let you move on. That I give you your freedom. The freedom to go and devote yourself to another through marriage, for no man is complete, until he is married – (and) then he's finished.

It is written: when children find true love, parents find true joy. Today we see that the converse is also true.

A little girl at (a) wedding asked her mother (afterwards) why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another." Well, Bev, with all due respect to your "adoptive" Father, Jack, (a long-time friend of her family's who stood in for her departed Father), I think you've made a great choice here.

Comedienne Rita Rudner said, "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." [Point to Dad's ear...] Thumbs-up, Bev!

I suppose, as a best man, it is my obligation to come up with embarrassing stories of my Dad from when we were in college together, or all the "shenanigans" we got into together as kids, but I don't really have a lot of those. I could tell stories of his childhood that I have picked up over the years. Let's see...there was his run-in with the police one Summer when he was caught throwing snowballs at cars. Yes, I said "Summer." He had frozen the snowballs in his basement freezer the previous Winter. There was the time he was caught smoking with a friend after trying to hide a lit cigarette in his pocket and almost setting himself ablaze in front of the friend's Dad. Or the time he set his own Dad's car on fire. There were the numerous times he broke his nose growing up, (or that it was broken for him). Or the time that a drunken roommate of his got up in the middle of the night, walked over to a dresser and peed into an open underwear drawer. Yeah...I always heard that it was a "roommate," but still, I always wondered… (There, I think I've met that quota...)

I could share stories of what it was like growing up at the Pinckney Street Hide-Away (an old local bar my parents used to frequent with me as a kid) with him as a Father, but I don’t know how many of you would remember that place... I will say that having him as a Father was a pretty good deal. He was lenient when he wanted to be, strict when he needed to be, supportive when he ought to be, and generous when he could be, (to Emily), (my sister).

In researching wedding speeches and toasts on the Web recently, I happened upon one toast in particular that I enjoyed. It goes like so, (try to follow along...):

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the amalgamation of nuptial relations in our nation. (Did you catch all that?)

I added the "amalgamation of nuptial relations in our nation" part. The real quote ended "...to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population," but I don’t think that Brittany, (new step-sister), Emily (sister) and I are expecting any siblings any time soon. Maybe in a few years...

Well, they're telling me it's time to go, so I'll wrap things up.

Victor Hugo said, "the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." All of us deserve happiness in life. In one way or another. But remember what Benjamin Franklin said: "the Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." Well, you two have caught happiness. Let’s hope it's contagious.

So, in conclusion, I wanted to tell you, with the utmost sincerity, from the bottom of my heart, (turn page over)

[Act flustered, embarrassed, and continue...]

I am thrilled for you both, proud of ya' Dad, [give him a gentle sock on the chin], and for you, the newlyweds, I propose this toast:

A health to you,
A wealth to you,
And the best that life can give to you,
May fortune still be kind to you,
And happiness be true to you,
And life be long and good to you,
Is the toast of all your friends to you.

Congratulations!

Well, that was it.

"Actions" I carried out are enclosed in square brackets, "asides" I muttered as if under my breath are parenthesized, and "comments" to you, the reader, are parenthesized in red.

All told, with ad-libbing at the beginning and pauses for laughter, effect and such, it was over 8 minutes long. You see that I picked up a lot of ideas from other places, but in speaking with people before and afterward, I never tried to take all the credit myself.

Hope you liked it.

'25 Profile Views' Update

2006-09-21T23:50:00.000-05:00

Ask, and ye shall receive, I guess.

I just checked and noticed that my Blogger profile views are suddenly up to 55 after being stuck at 32 for so long, (see previous post). They've been stuck there for how long and it suddenly just fixes itself? Huh. Well, 55 ain't a ton anyway, but I guess it's better than 32, right? Besides, I'm not that popular anyway. It's probably because I added a bunch of team members to the Boundaries blog, and now all their regulars are going, "who the Hell is this guy?!?"

(Say...speaking of the Boundaries blog, and the profile views being at 55, check out this post.)

Movie, (again)

2006-09-20T02:02:00.000-05:00

JL and I watched Flirting With Disaster tonight. I've seen it before. Liked it then, liked it now. It's got a great cast, and a good story as well.

HOWTO: Adjust Plurality of Blogger Comment Count

2006-09-18T15:07:00.000-05:00

...or, 'If I've Told You Once, I've Told You A Thousand Time'

I've often been bothered by the fact that my Blogger template doesn't distinguish between a single comment and zero or multiple comments. Well last night, I decided to do something about it. I'm by no means a JavaScript expert, but this was trivial.

Now, if I have a single comment, it will reflect "1 comment." If I have 0 comments, "0 comments," or 2+ comments, "2 comments."

To make the change yourself, back up your Blogger template, then search it for any entries like so: "<$BlogItemCommentCount$> comments", (without the quotes). Replace the "s" in "comments" with the following code, (on one line, for simplicity, and immediately after the word "comment"!):

<script type="text/javascript">document.write((<$BlogItemCommentCount$> != 1)?'s':'');</script>

Save Template Changes, Republish and you'll be good to go.

The template will now spit out "# comment" unconditionally. It will then look at the number of comments. If it is 1, it does nothing, otherwise, it appends an "s", making it plural.

So Succinctly Said (Sad)

2006-09-18T12:43:00.000-05:00

Well, the start of another pay period heralds the deadline for yet another timesheet. In keeping with my last one, I have, once again, endeavored to "keep it simple, stupid." (Who's he calling "stupid?" Oh, I think you know...)

Hey, what's with that confound Labor Day holiday making me add a level of complexity to my timesheet?!? Thank goodness these things only come but once a year.

Blogger Hacks

2006-09-18T01:49:00.000-05:00

Somewhat interesting link I happened upon tonight to some Blogger hacks. (Don't worry...these are all approved.) Perhaps you've seen these before, but I haven't yet. I'm going to try the recent comments one now, (as soon as Blogger gets a little more responsive!)

Oh, one more thing. Blogger states the following "note" w.r.t. their "hacks," and I wholeheartedly agree:

As with any template modifications, you should be sure to save a backup copy of your template before you start. Just copy and paste all your code to a text file on your hard drive, so you'll have it there as a replacement in case anything goes wrong.

If you don't know how to back up your template, talk to someone who does. It could be more than a little upsetting if you made changes and wound up losing your template.

I'm Movin' On...

2006-09-16T03:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess I've greived long enough.

I'm sorry, Stan, but I gotta have my scripts. I don't know why Seinology.com can do it if you can't. Maybe they're just bucking the system - I don't know. Perhaps one day, you get your scripts back, you look me up, give me a call...we'll go out and do something. But until then, a man's got needs, you know?

I'll remember the laughs we shared...

Look: it's not you, it's me, alright...?
Well, OK...it is you.

*sigh*

Occupational Levity

2006-09-15T02:59:00.000-05:00

After that last post, I thought I would post something a little less dire. I have to dip into the "immaturity reserves" on this one, so try and accept the fact that I'm going there. I know it's a stretch, but...

Anyway, today at work, I saw a reference to a guy whose name struck me as a little amusing. I said it out loud to one of my co-workers and he mis-heard me and repeated something even more amusing. I'm not going to repeat it, because it's too similar to the guy's actual name, and I don't want any connection to the actual guy here. (So what's the point, right?)

Well, we/he managed to come up with something similar, but different enough that no one should equate it to the original guy. This is in the same vein as the Bart Simpson prank calls to Moe Szyslak.

Anyway, the amusing name is "Oxbigger, Michael."

Thanks For All the Hard Work

2006-09-15T02:23:00.000-05:00

OK, I guess I can post this e-mail message I received yesterday here. Some of you have already seen this and heard me blather on extensively about it. But for those that haven't:

From: Bureau Director, older than Methuselah
Sent:  Wednesday, September 13, 2006 1:22 PM
To:    Me
Cc:    Division Administrator; HR Big-Wig #1; HR Big-Wig #2
Subject:       FW: Missing Time Reports - Second Notice

This is not the first time that you have failed to submit your time reports according to the agency schedule.

You have demonstrated a chronic tardiness for adhering to this process as indicated most recently below in email messages from the time reporting staff:

ME 01 I 08/05/2006
ME 01 I 08/19/2006
From Payroll Staff-Person (9/13):This is a reminder for you to submit your time report for the pay period ending 9/2 as soon as possible. Thanks!

There have been numerous other incidents in preceding months.

This is not acceptable and will not be tolerated in the future. All other members of the bureau are able to comply with the time reporting process even though they are also very busy with other work. The agency requires all time reports to be submitted on schedule in order to process payrolls accurately, and this same information is needed in a timely manner for analysis by management in work planning and assignments.

You are hereby directed to complete any/all missing time reports before the end of business today or risk disciplinary action.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

I should point out that a co-worker of mine got a similar letter, even after he'd already submitted his time sheet. I should also point out that we are in the midst of a number of major, critical tasks designed to radically change the way we do business. And that we are still doing the work we've done for years, (customer support and maintaining our network, server and desktop infrastructures, among other things), in addition to these major projects. And that we're doing all this with a skeleton crew, after our current government has seen fit to eliminate and/or shuffle around a large number of our staff.

Now, my objection to this isn't in the fact that he's asking me to get this done, (I know it's important and that it needs to be done), but in the way he's asking, (rather, commanding!) This guy has the people skills of a clump of soggy pocket lint! Did I ever get a "Hey, I know you're busy, (with "critical" priorities that I have been instrumental in giving you), but could you please take a half hour and get this taken care of? Payroll really needs it to complete their processing. Thanks." Aw, Hell no!

I explained to KingUnbeliever that I know that I have a problem assigning adequate priority to timesheets. Part of the problem is that I keep pretty extensive records of where my time goes so that when it comes time to fill out a time sheet, it can take me a little while. It's not like it used to be when I would just fill in "8's" across the board in a particular "default" activity code. KU suggested I could go back to doing it that way. Well, it didn't take a lot of arm-twisting for him to convince me. So now, what was:

has become:

Do you think they'll notice?

...And Their Definition of "Adult" Is...?

2006-09-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

Just a quick observation... Some of my compadres and I have already discussed the ludicrousness of bringing "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" to Cartoon Network, (CN), though we did have to admit that occasionally, they play a cartoon during the show. However, it wasn't until I stood in front of my TV at 11:00 o'clock this evening with CN on, that I was struck by something. I knew that Pee-Wee, (PW), was up next. But then I saw the big disclaimer that CN always plays before it's Adult Swim, (AS), shows. You know, standard boilerplate stuff: warning, adults only, may contain mature themes, not for the faint of heart, yada, yabba, dabba. But then I thought, "hey, that's right. PW is on during CN's AS programming. WTF?!?"

I don't know why I'd never put 2 and 2 together b4, but I did tonight.

Is someone at AS making a statement about PW?

Tonight's Pub Crawl

2006-09-14T02:08:00.000-05:00

My Dad's getting married next weekend. I am the best man, (anyone want to write a speech?). Tonight was his bachelor party. One of his friends from work got tired of waiting for me to get around to procrastinating, (uh...yeah...), so took it upon himself to schedule something. So tonight was it. A pub crawl. We started out at the Essen Haus, then (walked through the Come Back In and) went to the Great Dane, then The Local, Brocach Irish Pub, Genna's and finally, the Harmony Bar & Grill. Some also stopped over at the Best Western Inn on the Park's bar from Genna's, and I ran over to The Argus to say hi from The Local.

How to Dissuade Yourself from...

2006-09-13T03:21:00.000-05:00

...Becoming a Blogger - WikiHow

Sadly this information comes many months too late for me. But it is amusing nonetheless.

Charter Error du Jour, 20060913

2006-09-13T02:52:00.000-05:00

Tonight's error, when trying to watch a movie "On Demand" was the following:

Slightly different from the error from a few nights ago, but perhaps the resolution will be the same. I will try unplugging the cable box and re-plugging. It's the digital cable equivalent to the PC world's three-finger salute.

I was amused a few days ago when researching the E5030 error to find "ronniedobbs'" comment that his(?) "Charter: On Demand" had devolved into "Charter: Try Again In (5) Minutes."

25 Profile Views

2006-09-13T01:44:00.000-05:00

(That's 2 to the 5^th power, in case you thought I screwed up the formatting on my "25" or something...)

OK, I'm tired of my Blogger profile indicating only 32 profile views. Apparently this is something of a "known problem," (look it up!), and may or may not suddenly take care of itself, jumping from 32 to umpteen million and six, (if only), but I've been waiting a long time for such a resolution and ain't seein' nuthin'. Now, I know I'm not that popular, (or even poplar, for those of you arboreally inclined), but c'mon...! Cut a loser some slack, won't'cha?

The End of an Era

2006-09-13T00:38:00.000-05:00

I was saying good night to my 15½ year old son Monday night. I had had just reached over his night stand to give him the usual peck on the cheek, (which is where we've been for a couple/few years now), said my "good night" and was coming back up when he said, "you don't need to kiss me good night anymore."

(Sound of glass shattering accompanied by Pac-Man death WAV.)
I knew this was coming, and I told him that. I said I understood, but asked if he minded the "good night" and the "love you." He said those were fine. Ah well, c'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? I know, I know...some of you probably think 15 is too old for kisses and hugs anyway, right? Well bollocks, I say! Just fetch my pipe and call me Ward Cleaver, alright? Beneath the long flowing locks, pierced ear and SpongeBob T-shirts, I'm just an old-fashioned guy at heart.

Oh well, I've still got plenty of years to corrupt my daughters with my Mayberry-esque values. ;)

2nd Degree Split Pea Soup

2006-09-13T00:20:00.000-05:00

Went to the hospital Monday for BP to undergo another EEG now that we've weaned her completely off meds. I think I've seen evidence of seizures, and she thinks it's a possibility as well, though now that it's been like a year and half since she's had one, she's kinda outta practice and not quite sure. The test was complete after 4 hours. Now we just need to wait a couple weeks until the doctor can look at the results.

So afterward, we went down to the newly remodeled cafeteria to buy some lunch. Wow, is it impressive. Quite large, with a tremendous selection of various foods to buy. So, BP decided, (among other things), that she would get some split pea soup. She grabs the small styrofoam bowl that they have and fills it up like halfway. JL and I tell her, "fill it up... you have to pay for it anyway." So I grab her bowl in my left hand and the ladle in my right and begin the arduous process of maneuvering the ladle around under the sneeze guard. Well, I didn't do it quite right, and managed to pour half a ladle of boiling hot soup on my thumb. (Is there a doctor in the house?) It blistered up, and I kept my thumb in ice the rest of the day and night. JL and I agreed that the design, with the sneeze guard placement, etc., left something to be desired. We also agreed that someone would've sued, (á la McDonald's), but even with the faulty design, how could I really justify getting money for my own stupidity like that? No thanks, I'll take the high road on that one. (That is, unless you think I might win...?)

Yeah, sure...that'll teach 'em...

2006-09-12T12:34:00.000-05:00

Stingrays mutilated after Irwin death - Asia-Pacific - MSNBC.com

Charter Error du Jour

2006-09-09T01:14:00.000-05:00

Since some of the most frequent hits my blogs get are people trying to research various Charter-related error messages, (see this and that), and since Charter just plain sucks, and since I am sitting here waiting for Charter On Demand to let me resume Man On The Moon that I was happily watching until the movie just puked and spat me back out to the freaking menu, I thought I would document tonight's error that has kept me from completing my movie for more than 45 minutes and counting:

Unfortunately, if you've come here looking for answers, I am afraid I can provide none. Only assurances that you are not alone in your suffering, nor in your belief that Charter sucks. I hope it is of some consolation to you...

UPDATE(s):

20060913 - After 2-3 days of waiting, I finally wound up unplugging the cable box and plugging it back in. After 10-15 minutes or so of waiting for the cable channels, etc., to re-synch, my problem was resolved.

"The check is in the mail...?"

2006-09-08T10:42:00.000-05:00

madison.com | archives: Union: State Not Applying Law 100%

Cost-benefit Analysis Has Been Inconsistent And Incomplete, Union Leaders Say.

Good Answers

2006-09-08T03:10:00.000-05:00

The other day my wife was talking to my oldest daughter about the differences between optimism and pessimism. My son was there also, so she asked the two of them the old question, "is the glass half empty or half full?" My daughter responded that it is half full, (yay, an optimist). My son, (apparently neither optimist nor pessimist so much as an analyst), responded, "it depends on whether you're drinking from the glass or filling it up."

Did He Really Say That?

2006-07-23T03:51:00.000-05:00

Interesting.

My wife was forwarded an e-mail from her sister, purporting to be a transcript of an Andy Rooney segment on 60 Minutes. A rough excerpt of that e-mail follows:

Well, my first reaction was, "if this was truly something he said on '60 Minutes,' why would he say 'see the above lines'?!?" It sounded like something someone crafted specifically for a "textual" representation: e-mail, Web, etc.

So I told her, "check Snopes.com." Sure enough, it was false, (Urban Legends Reference Pages: Andy Rooney). Apparently, it's been an urban legend for a couple/few years. Anyway, it's kinda too bad, because some of his "sentiments" might have been a refreshing change from what the usual political correctness allows us to hear, (or not hear).

Additional observation: the e-mail my wife received was slightly different than what is posted at Snopes. Obviously some changes had been made to make it seem more believable, like removing some of the more offensive remarks, ("crack addicts...squirting out babies"?), and changing "sorry ass" to "sorry behind."

Scabies Outbreak At Prison

2006-07-23T03:30:00.000-05:00

Lord knows we wouldn't want them to be uncomfortable or anything...

Channel3000.com - News - Scabies Outbreak Reported At Prairie Du Chien Prison

Happy "Bidet" To Me

2006-07-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

(OK, this is a few days old now, but since I started it on Saturday, I'm going to just save it like I posted it then.)

Yestiddy wuz my birthday. Yay! (...or not...) 'Twas number 37. Just another day, right? "Just another day closer to the grave," as I told my Son jokingly a couple days ago. :P

Thanks to all of you who wished me "Happy Birthday" in one way or another. Thanks to the clerk at PDQ who carded me when we stopped for a quick 12-pack of MGD on the way home from my birthday dinner at Dimitri's Gyros. ("We have to card everyone under 30," he said in response to my, "oh, aren't you kind?") And thanks to the friend(s) that called me last night to sing, "happy birthday to you, you look like a zoo..." (Sorry umod, my sister was on the phone with my dad when you called the home phone and I was opening gifts when you called my cell.)

Ah yes, gifts...

My youngest, AB, got me a pencil, (slightly used), a bouquet of plastic flowers she tied together with some colorful ribbon, and some Maple Nut Goodies, (yum!).

My next youngest, BP, gave me a Marvin the Martian stuffed toy of hers.

My oldest, CM, got me the newest Shinedown CD, Us and Them.

My wife, JL, got me two shirts, a plain pink one, and a black one with Homer Simpson in a Scarface-like pose.

Then, from the whole family, I got a certificate for bowling.

Finally, cards, cash, chocolate (white - mmmm...), and certificates from other sundry relatives.

TLAwSZ

2006-06-26T03:29:00.000-05:00

I watched The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou On Demand this evening. Interesting movie... I liked it quite a bit, and recommend it to anyone that likes a movie that's not afraid to stray from the norm. It wasn't as funny as I thought it might be, but that was my own fault for my preconceptions. I was happy with the movie as a whole.

Father's Day Haul

2006-06-26T03:15:00.000-05:00

Well, since I'm sure you were all wondering, I thought I'd fill you in on what I got this past Father's Day. (I might've done so sooner, but the next day, we left to go camping for the week.)

Anyway, my youngest, AB, got me a colorful plastic tumbler, (glass), similar to one she had gotten for herself for our camping trip, a cool ceramic mug, (with all her favorite colors on it - pink, purple, red, black and gold), and a bag of Cool Berry Halls Fruit Breezers, (for when I get sick).

My next youngest, BP, got me the new Pink Panther, which she had gone to see in the theater with my Dad and liked there.

My oldest, CM, got me the Looney Tunes - Golden Collection, Volume 1 DVDs.

Oh...and they all made me breakfast in bed - french toast & syrup, sausage patties, fruit, coffee, OJ, a small vase of flowers, a napkin, and a tissue wrapped fork. (I have to mention even the seemingly smallest details, as everyone had their part in the preparation. :) )

happy. father's. day.

2006-06-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

Alright, Dads...it's our turn...

Just wanted to wish a quick Happy Father's Day to all you Fathers out there - those I know, and those I don't. (Oh...and myself...)

On behalf of...well, everyone... I would like to say: you couldn't have gotten to where you are today without us either!

Cheers.

Sparing 'Know' Expense

2006-06-12T00:21:00.000-05:00

How does Charter Communications get away with putting out commercials for themselves, ("refer-a-friend"), and their affiliates, (see "Jewelry Television"), where the quality of the video is so crappy you can't even make out the fine print at the bottom of the screen?!? Blurry? I mean, c'mon! How can I have any faith in a company that can't even represent themselves in a professional manner?

If you've seen the commercials, you likely know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, watch for them.

Why Wait...?

2006-05-31T23:44:00.000-05:00

Hmmm... I was going to tell you this great story illustrating the fact that I am a huge procrastinator, but then I decided I'll wait until tomorrow...

:P

Funny Movies?

2006-05-30T01:29:00.000-05:00

I watched Bravo's "100 Funniest Movies" last night. (Interesting how their Web page calls it the "100 Funniest Movie Moments," when the show was clearly called "100 Funniest Movies." Hmmm...communicate much?

Anyway, I thought it was an interesting show, but 4 hours?!? Couldn't they have pared it down a bit? I'm still trying to look for a list, but they don't seem to be posting it. A little searching I've done seems to indicate that some people aren't completely happy with the list. I saw some things on the list I didn't necessarily agree with, but, whatever. You have to take these "lists" with a grain of salt.

OK, I found a list, thanks to the good people posting at Television Without Pity. I have reproduced the list below, and added my own links to the movies @ IMDb.

(My apologies for all the whitespace before the table. Blogger appears to insert white space that is directly proportional to the size of my table, or something like that. Please scroll down a bit, whilst I try to figure out how to remove said whitespace. Thank yew.)

UPDATE(s):

20060531 - I've identified the whitespace problem, for those of you that are interested. I have Blogger configured to put a "break" or "<br />" tag in my posts everywhere I have a newline. Well, since I was trying to format my table nicely, I was putting my "<table>," "<tr>" and "<td>" tags on separate lines. But then Blogger was sticking in these "<br />" tags, which was not a good thing to do. That explains why the amount of whitespace seemed directly proportional to the size of the table, eh? Solution? Place a comment, beginning () immediately at the start of the next line. I'm happy, Blogger's happy, and (hopefully), you're happy.

100. Anchorman	99. The Birdcage	98. School of Rock
97. Happy Gilmore	96. Four Weddings and a Funeral	95. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
94. Waiting for Guffman	93. The Aristocrats	92. Father of the Bride
91. Revenge of the Nerds	90. Clueless	89. Slapshot
88. Team America: World Police	87. The Kentucky Fried Movie	86. Zoolander
85. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels	84. Silver Streak	83. Sister Act
82. Tootsie	81. Half Baked	80. Lost in America
79. Three Amigos	78. Bananas	77. Flirting With Disaster
76. Ghostbusters	75. Dumb and Dumber	74. Trading Places
73. City Slickers	72. Moonstruck	71. Roxanne
70. Nutty Professor	69. The Blues Brothers	68. Broadcast News
67. Kingpin	66. Dazed and Confused	65. Office Space
64. This is Spinal Tap	63. Manhattan	62. The Pink Panther
61. Election	60. When Harry Met Sally...	59. Police Academy Series
58. Private Benjamin	57. Swingers	56. Young Frankenstein
55. Bull Durham	54. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off	53. Dr. Strangelove
52. Meet the Parents	51. National Lampoon's Vacation	50. The Princess Bride
49. American Pie	48. American Graffiti	47. 9 to 5
46. The Incredibles	45. Raising Arizona	44. Sixteen Candles
43. What About Bob?	42. Harold and Maude	41. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
40. Monty Python and the Holy Grail	39. Mrs. Doubtfire	38. Best in Show
37. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story	36. Good Morning, Vietnam	35. Beetlejuice
34. Rushmore	33. Clerks	32. Groundhog Day
31. The Big Lebowski	30. The 40-Year-Old Virgin	29. Legally Blond(e)
28. Annie Hall	27. A Fish Called Wanda	26. Wayne’s World
25. Meet the Fockers	24. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure	23. Big
22. Beverly Hills Cop	21. Shampoo	20. The Jerk
19. Wedding Crashers	18. Stripes	17. MAS*H
16. Old School	15. Fast Times at Ridgemont High	14. Napoleon Dynamite
13. Naked Gun (series)	12. The Producers	11. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
10. Arthur	9. Blazing Saddles	8. The Wedding Singer
7. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective	6. Airplane	5. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
4. There’s Something About Mary	3. Shrek	2. Caddyshack
1. Animal House

A couple points. Yes, that's the remake of "Father Of The Bride." Having not watched it that far, I assume "The Producers" was not talking about the remake. (OMG, they're remaking "Revenge Of The Nerds"?!?) The entire "Police Academy" series made it to the top 100?!? "South Park" at number 5?!? (*sigh* Grain of salt, grain of salt, grain of...)

stanthecaddy.com: "A Sad Day For Seinfeld Fans"

2006-05-23T02:10:00.000-05:00

Aw, nuts!

From stanthecaddy.com's "Seinfeld Scripts" page:

May 5, 2006 -- A say day for Seinfeld fans. I have received a DMCA request to remove the scripts from this site. A lawyer, working on behalf of the copyright holders of Seinfeld, has requested that the videos, scripts, and sounds be removed from this site. It is sad when copyright holders decide to take action that harms their fans, the very people who made the brand successful and profitable in the first place. Even though the 'scripts' listed on this page were transcribed by Seinfeld fans, a process that takes many hours for each 22 minute episode, they have been deemed to be infringing copyrights. I am at a loss regarding what harm could be possibly caused by the publication of these transcripts. Welcome to the Bizarro World.

Stan, man? I agree wholeheartedly with you.

Headstones

2006-05-21T23:54:00.000-05:00

My Great Aunt died last Sunday. (TIA for the sympathies.) The wake and funeral were this past Saturday in Dodgeville. While at the cemetary, I looked down at a headstone near where my Great Aunt was to be buried. Here was a guy born in 1861, who died in 1940. It makes you think... When was the last time anyone visited his grave site? When was the last time anyone even thought of this guy? I told myself to be sure to remember his name and dates, (didn't have paper and pen). I'm pretty sure his name was Samuel Davey. (My sincerest apologies to him and his memory if I am remembering incorrectly.)

Do you believe in an afterlife? Was this guy sitting somewhere just lamenting that no one has thought about him in the last 10 years, when all of a sudden - BAM?!?

It's just kinda weird. Really makes you start to think about your impact, (or lack thereof), on this planet? But then, depending on your views of the afterlife, perhaps "impact on this planet" isn't the point of our lives?

All that aside, I think that this is a great opportunity to help keep people's memories alive. Next time you have occasion to be at a cemetary, take a moment at someone else's headstone. I guess it's like making the best of a bad situation.

Or maybe I'm just being morbid.

happy. mother's. day.

2006-05-14T01:59:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to wish a quick Happy Mother's Day to all you Mothers out there - those I know, and those I don't.

On behalf of...well, everyone... I would like to say: we couldn't have gotten to where we are today without you!

Cheers.

OK, What The #@^(*$&^ Is Going On?!?!?

2006-05-12T03:45:00.000-05:00

Aaauuuggghhh!!!

As I popped onto Blogger to add the previous post tonight, I was confronted with the following in Internet Explorer when visiting my Blogger "Dashboard":

And this, after hearing about an interesting event that occurred to wut.truth?, a friend of hcff's.

No, I hadn't made any changes to my profile configuration that would have resulted in this. It just happened. Is someone trying to tell us something here? Are we being assimilated? I wasn't getting it... But then I went to look at my profile to see if there was a way to change it back, and that's when I realized what the problem must have been.

There it is, in the image on the right, "circled" in red:

I guess this must be the default now when you make that selection.

Oh well, live and learn. (Oops, I mean "vivir y aprender.")

(p.s. the good news is I did manage to change it back to the old default.)

April Showers Bring...

2006-05-12T03:41:00.000-05:00

...May flurries?!?

That's right - we're getting some snow here in Wisconsin. Not a lot, but still worth a chuckle, (though I hear they're getting a bit more up North). Now I'm fairly certain there's been snow later into Spring than this some time in the past. But I still am bemused.

Why...?

2006-05-10T03:58:00.000-05:00

...do I insist on staying up so late alla' time?!?

"Oh, the Humanity!"

2006-05-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

Tonight's horse-racing event was a disaster! (See BoTI for previous mention of the Casino night event.)

The guy I carpooled with and I got there about 10 minutes early, decided to start filling the chip cups, and then the other 3 staff, (including pit boss), showed up to help.

For the most part, the event didn't start out too badly, but after people came up with their vouchers, got their chips, and placed their bets, that's when it all went to pot. That's the point at which we hit Play on the VCR and sat back, waiting for the "race" to begin. However, we were sans video. All we had was audio. Thus began an excruciating hour while the hotel A/V staff, (where the event took place), struggled helplessly to try and get us video. ("It was working before when we set it up.") The company that was there to partake in this event were all seated at their tables, talking amongst themselves and watching us, waiting, and, (in some cases), muttering at us under their breath. Well, all except the big heavy-set guy that was being quite vocal about it to the poor pit boss! It wasn't our fault that his company, in trying to save a few bucks, went with the A/V equipment from the hotel, even against the recommendation of the Casino event company's owner. She told him that if he didn't go with our A/V equipment, and accompanying A/V staff, that we couldn't support it.

In the end, not a single equine race was run, and all the company's people left the room to watch some of their management "race" in the hotel's halls. (Well, technically, given the fact that the family Equidae includes horses, zebras and asses, and given the fact that the loud-mouth, heavy-set guy from above was one of the participants in the hall race, perhaps... nah... I better not say.)

It was too bad too, because we were all looking forward to it. It started out like it was going to be a blast. We get paid regardless, but that's not really the point.

There were other details, but that's the gist of it.

Pinot Vino

2006-05-01T00:33:00.000-05:00

Wine. Specifically, a nice red Pinot Noir. It's quite elegant; quite sophisticated, isn't it? But, what a difference a glass makes. That's what I think as I sit here driking my Pinot. I got tired of refilling my glass so now I'm drinking it straight from the bottle. Aren't I refined?

Yeah? Screw you. :P

I will say that it seems much easier to get a small "sip" from a large red wine glass than it is from the small mouth of a bottle. Ah well, who wants to just sip it anyway?

Best Laid Plans...

2006-04-19T04:30:00.000-05:00

Well, so much for doing any work from home like I was going to try to do tonight, (I know, I know...what a dumb idea). Instead, I spent several hours updating my (relatively) new Boundaries of the Imagination blog.

Consider this the official notice of it's existence. (It's also linked to from the "Theirs" section in the sidebar of this blog.)

"...Boundaries Are That of the Imagination"

2006-04-11T03:48:00.000-05:00

Sunday night I was watching The Twilight Zone on Sci-Fi Network. During a commercial I switched to Game Show Network and watched a little bit of Street Smarts. After a minute or two I switched back to Sci-Fi Network to find that there was a commercial on for a CD of religious music. I switched back to Street Smarts in time to see the host ask the players which one of the two people on the street, a man and a woman, would respond incorrectly to the question, "what does an ophthalmologist look at?" Both players in the studio, also a man and a woman, felt that the woman on the street would answer incorrectly. However, when the host showed them the video clip, the woman had correctly answered "eyes". The man, on the other hand, had incorrectly answered "the heart." I then switched back to Sci-Fi Network to find that the commercial for the Time-Life CD was ending and the order information was displayed on the screen. Imagine my surprise to find out that the name of the CD was "Open the Eyes of My Heart".

Weird, huh?

Long Live The King

2006-04-08T01:18:00.000-05:00

YESSS!!! He's back!

I saw another Burger King commercial with the King tonight! For this one, the tables were turned, and it was the King that woke up to find a quiet stranger in his bed...and around his bedroom. He shared a french toast sandwich with the construction worker sharing the bed with him, and then they all took part in a pillow fight on the King's bed.

Ah, details, details, details. That's not really the point. The point is that he's back! I've discussed the King with others, and no one seems to share my appreciation for the King and his commercials. They say he's "freaky." (Of course he is, they even admitted that in the Super Bowl commercial.) But that's the whole point. He should be freaky. Heck, he is. Yet that doesn't seem to phase the people into whose lives he pops. Not a bit! Oh well, I think you either love him, or you hate him. Well, perhaps it's not hate, so much as fear. Yes, you fear him, don't you? Does he come to you in your nightmares? Does he haunt you in your waking hours? Well, grow up! Get over it! ;)

So come on now. The ball's in your court, my friends. Bring on your comments, and your implied admissions of fear. You know you want to...

(...yay, I'm so glad he's back...)

This Part Calls For A...

2006-04-05T12:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday over coffee, some of us were discussing movies. We were talking about a particular movie which had "that actor...you know, the haggard drunk guy?" Rob rattled off three names, and we pretty much decided that if Hollywood needed someone to fill the role of the haggard, disheveled, drunk guy, they would look no further than either Kris Kristofferson, Gary Busey, or Nick Nolte. We agreed that while they were looking to see who was available, (or at least sober), they would just leave a "place holder" in the script for "Krisnickgary Bustoffersonolte." When leaving, (I just couldn't stop patting myself on the back for that name), someone said that we should morph a picture of the three of them into one face. We'll have to see about that.

Check It Out

2006-03-31T03:05:00.000-06:00

I went to Pizza Hut tonight for take-out. They've got that deal now where up to 5 pizzas after the first are all just $5.00. Anyway, my total came to about $24.00 or so, so I wrote out my check at home for the exact amount and was on my way. When I got there, some punk behind the counter sees me whip out my prepared check and tells me, "we don't accept checks."

I stopped short. "Uhhh...wha?!? What do you mean? I've cashed checks here before..."

"Well maybe a while ago," he says, "but not anymore."

"How long has that been in effect?" I asked.

"Well, I've been working here two and a half months," Joe Punk says (proudly), "and we've never accepted checks since I've been here."

Well, whoop-de-freakin'-do! (I just checked my records and found that I last wrote a check at Pizza Hut in November of 2005, so it hasn't been in effect very long.)

What the Hell is wrong with society today?!? Isn't the customer always right? That sure as Hell is what my management tells us at work, (even though they're wrong much of the time - management and our customers). Why must I, the customer, be inconvenienced?!? Why do they have to force me to use cash, or credit...or, alternatively, an electronic check verification system that seems fraught with problems, (see previous post)?

As it turned out, I had enough cash to cover my pizzas, but I wish I hadn't. Screw them for not letting people know they no longer take checks! It would've been their own freakin' fault if they had to keep the damn pizzas! I would have been blameless! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

And now for something(s) completely different...
Good luck to you, h.A.d. We'll all be thinking of you today at lunch. We'll look into the cameras, smile, and raise our glasses in a toast to you. That sappy crap'll bring in the ratings for sure! "It's gold, Jerry! Gold!"

And a shout out to mjl, off somewhere exotic on her vacation. Hope you're having a great time, (I'm sure the time has just flown), and that your return trip brings you back to the states safely.

Who's Bad?

2006-03-30T01:08:00.000-06:00

(Yes...there he is at number 25...)

I caught a little bit of a VH1 show this evening. The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs...Ever. It seemed interesting, but c'mon...really? I happen to think that some of these songs are pretty good! Are you mistaken, VH1, or am I?!? Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night"? 4 Non Blondes? Spin Doctors? Oh no, you did not put Right Said Fred and Crash Test Dummies on that list! Oh well, I guess they did say they were "awesomely" bad. So that's a "good" thing, right?

Sucks to Be Us

2006-03-19T15:03:00.000-06:00

The whole "fam damily" is sick right now. It started with my son getting sick Wednesday/Thursday night/day after having a birthday sleep-over with his friends the previous night. Buko-puko! (Hey, I like the sound of that...) My youngest daughter has had a nasty cough that made it sound like she was going to puke, (but hasn't yet). I had a nasty sore throat and some aching joints, (hmmm...technically, I think I started to feel a throat tickle on Tuesday...so did it start with me?) My wife seemed to have dodged the bullet, but then she was puking Friday/Saturday night/morning. She's been recouping all weekend. And my oldest daughter was feeling bad, but not as bad as the others until a friend's birthday sleep-over at a hotel with a pool Saturday night. The Mom brought her home at Noon today telling me that she was puking!

*sigh*
So far, it's only been my youngest and myself that have yet to puke. I think I'm on the road to recovery, so I hope that I'm not going to catch whatever they've got. (Knock on wood...) That could break my record. I haven't puked since my first born was born 15+ years ago, and my Dad and his friends took me out for martini night, a custom for new dads amongst his group. (I feel like Seinfeld...with the anti-puke record, not martinis...)

And I should mention: all this has been going on during my school-age kids' Spring Break.

New Term?

2006-03-10T00:00:00.000-06:00

I've decided to try and "coin a phrase." Ever heard of Google Whacking? (Also see Google Juice.)

So, I am thinking of a similar (useless) past-time, involving querying blogspot's, (or a similar blog-host's), blogger's interests, looking for interests found on one and only one blogger's list. For example, search blogspot for blogger's with an interest in conforming. As of 03/18/2006, you'll find only one match in Richie McWhite. (OK, so that's probably a bit "falsified.") Then, search for losing money. As of 03/18/2006, you'll find only one match in Tre Till Death. (I think you get the picture.) Anyway, the easiest way to do this, (for blogspot anyway), type "http://www.blogger.com/profile-find.g?t=i&q=" in your browser's Address field, (without quotes), following the last equals sign with the string(s) for which you are querying, replacing spaces with plus signs. That is, to find blogger's whose interests included "cartoons", you'd type "http://www.blogger.com/profile-find.g?t=i&q=cartoons" in the address field. To find those with interests including "watching SpongeBob," a truly admirable interest, by the way), you'd type "http://www.blogger.com/profile-find.g?t=i&q=watching+SpongeBob" in the address field.

Now all I need to do is think of a term to capture the mood. Any suggestions?

What Did He Say?

2006-03-09T00:16:00.000-06:00

Why in the world do advertisers go to all the trouble and expense of making a commercial, and then fill it up with so much stuff and nonsense, that you don't even realize what you're watching?!? OK, it may not happen that often, but it does happen. Case in point: tonight, I saw a commercial for RadioShack, (WARNING: possible pop-ups), where a Dad is talking about some deal for cell phones, while his kids, (two teenage-ish boys), wreaked havoc in the studio. When the commercial finally ended, I realized that I had no idea what the Dad had said! I knew it was about the cell phones, (only because he was holding them in his hand the whole time), but if he was talking about some special deal you could get, or the features of the phones, or anything, I had no idea because I had spent the whole commercial paying attention to the trouble the kids were getting into! Maybe it's because I'm a father myself. Maybe it's because I was thinking what a lousy job this Dad was doing of controlling his sons. I don't know exactly why, but I know that I came away from it hoping that RadioShack didn't have to pay too much for that spot. (...and then I realized that I don't really care if they had to pay too much.)

Finally, a new friend's blog tonight: halfAdonut. In honor, I just threw up in my mouth. (Gawd, I really did...I wish I could say I was joking. It was one of those burps that brings with it a whole lot more than you bargained for!)

Technology 'InAction'

2006-03-08T23:59:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a bit lengthy. Sorry...

Anyway, after doing some shopping on the west, (read opposite), side of town this evening, I noticed we were on "Check Gage" in the truck, so I stopped at a Speedway SuperAmerica to gas up our truck.

21.381 gallons of regular unleaded at $2.459/gallon (ouch!) came to a hefty $52.58, (double ouch!). [Say, at that price, if I kept filling my tank up with 0.0018, (or even 0.001), gallons of gas at a stretch, and then going in to pay for it, couldn't I eventually fill my truck up for free? Hey, if they're going to be so freakin' picky with minute fractions of a whole number, then why the Hell can't I?!? Think about it...]

Anyway, so we go in to pay for it. JL dispenses a couple crappuccinos for us and then goes to write out the check. Well, she hands over the blank check, rather, since everything is all automated now. [How am I supposed to bounce a check anymore if you always go and check, (no pun intended), my account for sufficient funds?!?] So I come walking up as the jerk, I mean clerk, is handing her back the check saying "it wasn't accepted." Um, say what?!? (How expensive were those crappuccinos?) No, I'm sorry, you must have made a mistake. I know there is over $400 in that checking account, and that's if every check I had out cleared, which I'm pretty sure they haven't. "Well, let me try something else," he says, as he calls the check authorization place directly. Nope, still no go. Um, say what?!? Why not? "Sorry, they don't tell us that." Well, let me call my credit union to see if I can figure out what's going on here. Grab the yellow pages, which lists the phone number, right alongside of the text saying "24-hour access." Call the credit union. Guess what... "24-hour access" apparently means "we leave the answering machine plugged in for 24 hours," 'cause do ya' think I could talk to a freakin' human being?!? Oh, and have you seen the credit card commercials where the guy is trying to get through to customer service, and he has to keep speaking his responses to the automated prompts? "Your pet's name? Fluffy." "Your password? big boy." Anyway, this automated menu system had it all over that one! And try doing that bull-sh*t in a loud convenience store on a cell phone, which keeps cutting out! Half the menu options you miss, then half of the rest of the time the crappy system thinks you spoke a response but doesn't quite know what you said. "I'm sorry, I did not understand your response. Please say it again." Blah blah blah. So I ask to use the clerk's phone. Not much luck with that one either - I was still unable to track down a body, or any useful information.

So we're standing there like idiots, waiting for the clerk to give us some options, but nothing's coming. Hasn't this happened to anyone before?!? So I ask, "what are our options here?" He answers, "do you have a debit/credit card?" No, Spanky, no. I don't like "plastic." And why would I need it when I have a perfectly good checkbook and plenty of cash in the bank to cover my checks? "Well, then," he says, "you can either call someone to come and bring you the money, or one of you can stay here while the other goes to get some." Did I mention it's almost 8:00 at night by this time? Oh, and then he adds something to the effect of, "those are our options before involving the police." WTF?!? You little shit, (done censoring cause I'm gettin' riled up)! I shoulda' let him call the police to take me away. What would they have charged me with? Inability to pay for my gasoline with the more than sufficient funds that were sitting, inexplicably inaccessible to me in my checking account? Or perhaps inability to fix someone else's fucked up check verification system over the phone from another state? OK, worst case scenario: what if I was all by myself in another city, let's say at 3:00 AM? I wouldn't have anyone to call and bring me money. I wouldn't be able to drive anywhere to try and get some, even if it were earlier, as "someone would have to stay there." I guess police would be the only option, eh? And again, what would they charge me with? GRRRRR!

So by this point, I say to the clerk, "I need to know why they aren't approving this. Can you call the verification company back and let me talk to someone?" This he does, tells the woman on the other end that he has a customer that wants to know why, and then hands me the phone. "Sir, I'm going to transfer you," she says. "OK," I say, thinking "now I'm getting somewhere." Of course here, "transfer" means to route me to another automated message telling me that at the tone, I need to provide the date and time of the incident, the dollar amount of the transaction, the store's name, address and phone number, the clerk's name, my name and address, my checking account routing number, my driver's license number and state of issuance, my favorite Stephen King novel, my turn-ons, my pick for this season's American Idol, the color of the clerk's mother's eyes... You get the picture. Well, not being an American Idol fan, I realized I had to approach this another way, so I hung up and asked the clerk to call them back again. This time, I told the representative what I needed, and that I didn't want to leave a message, that I needed to know now. She explained to me that, due to Illinois law, she could not tell me that over the phone, that I would need to receive that explanation in the mail.

Nearing wits end now, I ask the clerk if I can't leave my $400 BlackBerry there as collateral. Nope, they can't take items like that. Not cell phones, not driver's licenses, nothing. OK, I see the point, for all they know the phone could be stolen. Blah blah blah. So JL and I discuss the possibility of driving somewhere else to cash a check, and then coming back. Of course only one of us could go. "There's a check cashing place nearby," the clerk says. I've never been to one, so I ask him what they'd need. "Driver's license," he says. Well, that rules me out, as I have recently misplaced my driver's license. So it's JL. "Of course, it's in kind of a rough neighborhood," the clerk continues, "so they might want other forms of documentation/identification." Oh fuck that, for Christ's sake! Now I'm supposed to send my wife into the fucking ghetto just so this jackass clerk and this piece-of-shit system can get their goddamned money?!?

Finally, after at least a half-hour of this crap, I had to bite the bullet, whip out my employer's "purchasing card" and use that to make my gasoline purchase. (Boy that's going to go over like a ton of bricks tomorrow! There'll probably be all kinds of paperwork and other B.S. I'll have to go through to get that all squared away. And then probably some sort of verbal condemnation, etc. *sigh*) Then, when we got home, I went to check my checking account online. There was over $800 in there. I know you might say, "maybe some checks just hadn't posted yet, or shown up in the account online." But even if they all had posted, there still would have been about $300 there. So what the Hell? I was right, those mothers were wrong!

So what did I get for all my trouble here? Besides the near-aneurysm, and the "complimentary" crappuccinos my new friend gave us? I got a nice slip of paper from the store, telling me that they had screwed me royally, and that my time and customer satisfaction didn't mean shit to them or the companies whose services they employed. Well...in as many words:

We are sorry that we are unable to accept your check at this time.
The decision to decline your check was influenced by information in a consumer report provided, at our request, by
Global Payments Check Services Inc. ("GPCS"),
P.O. Box 59371,
Chicago, IL 60659,
1-800-638-4600, Ext 407

Please do not construe my inclusion of the "GPCS" link above as being, in any way, an endorsement of them, or their services! Based on my dealings with them so far, I have to honestly say that I think they suck. Simple enough? I just wanted to include their contact information so you can join with me in sending negative vibes their way. C'mon, chant with me:

OHM... OHM... OMG... OMG... OHMYGODYOUSUCK... OHMYGODYOUSUCK...

So ultimately, who screwed me worse here? GPCS? Speedway SuperAmerica? My credit union? Who? Well, I don't know, but I aim to find out. We never did actually see the check verification system work for anyone - not even another customer. JL was somewhat convinced part way through all this that another woman across the way was having issues getting her check to clear, but I was fairly certain that she was dealing with plastic, as I heard something to the effect that she hadn't "activated it yet."

What can I do to get reparations? Probably nothing. But if I can smear these companies' names in some way, in the eyes of those of you that might read my blog, then I will feel at least somewhat vindicated.

Maybe it's time for more chanting...

The Night's Goings-On

2006-02-26T03:10:00.000-06:00

A moment of silence for Mr. Don Knotts... You will be missed.

...

How long is Nick@Nite going to confine itself, (and its late night viewers), to "Cosby Show," "Roseanne," and "Fresh Prince"? I mean sure, I like watching these shows, but I'm ready to move on to something different for a bit. When will they be?

Dealt BJ tonight. Had a good time. Got $30.00 in tips. (Yay!)

Watched Constantine when I got home from dealing. I enjoyed it. It was on Charter On Demand, so it's pretty much a miracle I was able to see it at all! I had big problems on Friday night trying to watch something. I kept getting the old "System unavailable -- Please try again in 5 minutes" message. Called the 800 number to complain, to no avail. Yeah, like I thought their feeble attempts would do any good. Ah, but I digress. Anyway, I liked the movie. (Hey, it's "Slippery Pete" as Lucifer? "Oh, you mean the holes.") In the trivia of the movie, there are some interesting tidbits, including:

Keep watching after the end credits for an extra scene. [I already watched to the end, (I always do), and was going to tell you to. How many of you did?], and
In the lower right-hand corner of Isabel's toe tag, there's the number 616. Whilst some people interpret the Mark of the Beast to be 666, others interpret it to be 616, hence it's appearance on the toe tag. (I've told some about this "616, number of the beast" theory. Well, not like it's my theory or anything. But it's just interesting to see it referenced in the movie...look it up...)

Why do I keep hearing loud noises from somewhere in, (or outside of), my house? Like someone throwing a rock at the outside wall...

Oh boy, "Roseanne" is on again. It was on when I started this entry, then two back-to-back epis of "Fresh Prince," and now "Roseanne" again?!? What the Hell, man! Doesn't anyone else see the problem here?!?

Alright, it's getting quite late, and I'm rambling. ("R-A-M-B-L-I-N... apostrophe...")

(Oh, have I mentioned I hate Charter?)

Kids Say The Darnedest Things

2006-02-25T10:51:00.000-06:00

JL and I were discussing last night how our youngest, AB, (4 years), almost never kisses on the lips. She'll offer up her cheek or forehead for you to kiss, but doesn't usually reciprocate, unless specifically asked to do so. Then JL asked AB to give her a kiss on the cheek. I thought, "OK she's going to trick her and turn her head at the last moment. This'll be funny." But nope, AB kissed her on the cheek, and that was that. Well, I didn't want to let such an opportunity go by, so I asked AB to give me a kiss on the cheek. She hesitated and giggled, making no move to provide me with the requested kiss. "Alright," I said, realizing that I hadn't shaved in a week or so, "you don't want it to tickle. So how about giving me a kiss here?" pointing higher up, to my bare cheek bone. To this her response was, "No, Daddy, you're too buttery!" Ha ha, laugh while you can, kid. Let's see if you're still laughing in your teens when you realize this complexion is hereditary!

E.V.O.O., anyone?

[Funny...as I sit typing this, I look up at the TV and see an ad (muted) for Olay Regenerist with microdermabrasion. Perhaps it's a sign?]

a shift in thinking

2006-02-22T08:11:00.000-06:00

OK. A pet peeve of mine. Omitting capitalization when called for, say at the beginning of a sentence, or the first letter of someone's name, or the pronoun "I" doesn't make you cool in my book. It just makes you lazy. So stop it. Is what you're saying really that important that you don't have the time to hit that "shift" key with your little pinky finger? No...I didn't think so.

I partially blame the software companies and their "auto correct" functionality. Thanks for allowing us to be sloppy! But that's only a small piece of it. You have to accept the bulk of the blame yourself.

Now why am I seeing commercial products that are doing that crap on their labels? WTF?!? What slacker crowd are you trying to appeal to?!?

You know, another thing I never really cared for is the whole "Word. Word. Word." trend I was seeing in advertisement, etc. It's what motivated me to title my blog that way. I think I see another statement coming. Yeah, definitely gotta do it...

thanks. for. listening.
springboob

Mjolnir?

2006-02-20T01:46:00.000-06:00

No, air hammer, not war hammer. It's what the plumber said was the cause of the problem this weekend. Apparently, when we started to make some progress thawing the ice yesterday, some of it dislodged, flew around the internals of the plumbing and knocked off the air guitar. (Oops, I mean "hammer.")

Thanks, sami for the reminder/recommendation. I called him, and he was going to come out tomorrow and take a look, but in the end we felt we needed resolution sooner rather than later. It's a bummer too, because I really like to go with people that I know in situations like this so I feel that I'm not being taken advantage of. I mean, there's no hard feelings after that Poker game, right, J? I mean, it was hcff that finally took you out of the game, not me. Anyway, hope you understand.

Admittedly, I do still wish we would've waited to go with someone we knew. I mean, this guy was OK. ("Did we put away all the 'valuables'?") It was kinda odd when he called me up on his way and asked if he could write out a receipt for $40 paid, and then I'd give him cash right away so he could run to the store to get some more supplies. ("Make sure they hear the dog bark.") He did say he had left his checkbook on the other side of town. ("Don't tell them about the broken garage door.") Thank goodness they charged by the job and not by the hour. ("You are going to be down there with him, right?") I wouldn't have wanted to pay for all the time he spent outside on the phone with other customers. ...or smoking. Then when he was inside he spent a good portion of the time waiting for his coughing fits to subside. (Hmmm...connected? Well, he did say something about pneumonia.) All in all, the guy seemed to do fine work, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. He just had an abundance of "character" is all I'm saying. And, as far as the repair work went, if it wasn't one thing, it was another. ("Honestly, I have no idea where all that hair in the bathtub drain came from." K, "TMI" much? Sorry...)

Alrightie, here's my foray into initiating blog quizzes. Hope you like. It started with following a link on Gertie's page, but I didn't know if I wanted to find that kind of thing out, so I found one of my own. Here 'tis:

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

I stand accused...

"Another Big Red Letter Day For the Baileys..."

2006-02-19T01:24:00.000-06:00

(* thanks for the quote, George.)

Woke up this morning, (too early, mind you), to the sound of my lovely dog puking up the chocolate that he'd eaten in the middle of the night from my son's Valentine's Day stash in his room. Cadbury Creme Eggs and chocolate covered cherries, (ugh! I'd probably puke 'em up too). No wonder it smelled like chocolate... Say, isn't that supposed to kill them? Well...(no...I better not go any further with that...) Anyway, by some miracle, he had the foresight to lean over the couch, where he was sleeping with my son, but then he just puked in my son's clothes on the floor. Oh, and a bit on the carpet also. So it was in to his kennel with him, where he proceeded to puke again.

Fast forward a bit to my wife asking me to clean the hair out of the drain so she could give the dog a bath. Hmmm...it's frozen to the drain. (Our bathroom is right over the garage, and it was quite cold last night.) Well, I'll just run some warm water to loosen it up, (don't remember why I thought of doing that because now, over half a day later, it seems kinda silly). No wait, I guess I won't do that, because the faucet is frozen as well. So began a long process of trying to warm up the pipes and melt the ice. We had the heater going much of the day, and kept pouring hot water in the tub, (oh yeah, it wasn't draining either), scooping it out when it got cold and replacing with more hot. Finally, I thought, I'll bring the space heater down to the garage, under the plumbing, and let it run in there for a little bit. Back up to the bathroom, where we started to hear some action. It sounded like ice was moving around, and water began to trickle, but then slowed and stopped. The water flow in the bathroom sink then slowed as well, (yes, it had worked there), where my son had been filling up a bucket with hot H20 for the dog's bath. But even when the water stopped on it's own, or when the faucet had been shut off, (sink), there was still this odd sound as if the water was running somewhere. Well, do I need to say it? Yes, it was pouring out into the garage from the pipes in the garage ceiling. Near the space heater, splattering onto pictures: OMG, it was, like, everywhere! All this just minutes before I needed to start getting ready to go and deal tonight, (Poker this time, not as much fun as Blackjack. Ya' see?!? I just couldn't catch a freakin' break!). I had to turn off the water at the main valve into the house, so the waterfall finally stopped. But that meant no water, period. So I made an executive decision and took the kids to Grandma's, where they could at least use the toilet. Now they're there, wife is working 3rd shift, and I sit trying to call plumbers who say 24-hour emergency service in the yellow pages, but yet don't seem to do this kind of work when I finally get ahold of them. Or they do, but they're gonna have to charge me time and a half on the weekend. Oh yeah, and shove a plunger up my a$$ too. (Well, perhaps not that last part - that's only what it will feel like.) Oh well, that's OK. I had that $4.00 left over from my check this past Thursday after paying bills that was just burning a hole in my pocket.

'Ix-nay on the Erd-nay, Ease-play'

2006-02-07T00:00:00.000-06:00

(...or...)

'nOPix OPon thOPe nOPerd, plOPeasOPe'
'nOOBix OOBon thOOBe nOOBerd, plOOBeasOOBe'

Following hcff's mention of Gertie and WorkingOvernights' endeavors to check their nerd scores, I thought I'd try myself. Et, voila:

Perhaps a tad bit higher than I thought.

Albert Finney (+) Weekend

2006-02-06T02:38:00.000-06:00

Watched back to back movies with Albert Finney in them this weekend: Corpse Bride Saturday night, and Ocean's 12 Sunday night. (Well, technically, Sunday night's "Ocean's 12" was brought to me courtesy of Charter Communications's Digital Cable "On Demand," so with all the interruptions due to lousy signal, it was more like "Ocean's 6½".) Another night dealin' BJs to folks on Friday, (and occasionally to myself). Then watched 13 Going On 30 with my daughter and her friend when I got home. Hmmm...oh yeah - I guess there was some sort of football game on Sunday night or sumthin'. S'posed to be a big deal I guess. I think one of the coaches used to be a coach for a local team around here, so maybe I should have been more enthusiastic for the game? I dunno...had some good commercials, though!

"Some People Have A Way With Words..."

2006-01-23T02:13:00.000-06:00

"...and other people... uhhh... not have way."

Great Steve Martin reference, for those that don't know.

Anyway, my point being that I was afraid this was going to happen if I started to try and keep some somewhat current blog entries. It just seems like a bit of a drain on my time. I tend to be a little bit, um..."verbose", as some of my friends will tell you. Hence, any story I try to share with you just can't be short, simple and to the point. I must expand it with details of excruciating minutiae. Thus, I wind up with a number of "drafts" that I am working on simultaneously, trying to find the time to devote sufficient energy to their completion.

But then I see some people whose blogs are just that. Regular, and full of detail. I don't know how they do it.

Tonight's Movie...

2006-01-22T23:59:00.000-06:00

Million Dollar Baby. Finally saw it. I see why it was an Oscar winner...and why it's received 8.4 of 10 stars on IMDb.

Otherwise They Wouldn't Call It "Gambling"

2006-01-21T11:01:00.000-06:00

Went to Ho-Chunk last night. "Where The Winners Are?!?" You let me know when you find some, cause I didn't see any last night. Certainly not at my table. Well, I had some fun, and that's what's important, right? (Keep telling yourself that...)

Off Risk

2006-01-20T23:59:00.000-06:00

Received notice that I'm no longer "at risk" at work today. Still not sure whether that's a good thing or not. I kinda screwed myself out of about 8 days of paid time spent looking for other, (better?), jobs. Even if I never found/took anything, it was like vacation, man! He who hesitates truly is lost. Huh? What am I talking about? Well, I wasn't "blogging" back then, so I guess you're out of luck on the details.

Holy Craps!!!

2006-01-14T23:59:00.000-06:00

Well, I got an e-mail this week from the casino people for whom I'm dealing. It said they were in desperate need of Craps dealers for this weekend's various events, and that they were going to be conducting a training session Friday night. Since I had expressed interest previously, this woman was wondering if I would be interested. Well, yes, I thought, though I suspected it wouldn't be as much fun to deal as, say Blackjack. It pays 25% more, but I'm not really doing this for the money. Anyway, I was just floored by the experience! The training was difficult enough, but that was with one trainer and about 6 or 7 trainees, of various skill levels. But none of the trainees were like "Joe Craps" or anything. Now imagine with like a dozen players, all winning and losing and talking to you and handing you their bets and asking you questions and doing this and doing that and so on and so forth, all at the same time. And even when you think you've got a handle on how to play the game, I can assure you, things look a whole lot different on the other side of the table! Well, the company promises that they won't put any Craps newbies on a table without an experienced "co-dealer" with them. Well thank Neptune for that! Though I really had to feel bad for the guy that got stuck with me.

So, perhaps I'll do it again, perhaps not. I mean, I still prefer BJ to Craps, (umm...no, don't go there...), but I'm the type of guy that will likely wind up going where I'm needed. So finally, I just wanted to raise a toast to the guys who do this regularly...and with real money - hear hear!

I'm not a conformist...

2005-12-05T16:10:00.000-06:00

...I just happen to be doing the exact same thing as everyone else...

Huh! One sad thing about blogging, if not the Web in general, is it can give you the opportunity to see how truly un-unique you really are. How un-special, if you will. Case in point: I was updating my profile to indicate some of my "interests" and thought, 'as long as I'm taking the time to list these items alphabetically, I might as well list "alphabetizing" as one of my interests.' Ha ha, me funny, right? Well imagine my surprise when I found all the others out there that had done the same thing. ('Course some of you aren't doing so hot at it - you know who you are.) Ah well, GMTA, right? Hey! All y'all! Cheers!

And now for the truly goofy, the above post, alphabetized:

about, ah, all (2), alphabetically, alphabetizing, and, are (2), aren't, as (4), at, blogging, can, case, cheers, course, doing, done, found, funny, general, give, GMTA, ha (2), had, hey, hot, how (2), huh, I (3), I'm, if (2), imagine, in (2), indicate, interests (2), is, it (2), items, know, list (2), long, me, might, my (4), not, of (3), one (2), opportunity, others, out, point, profile, really, right (2), sad, same, see, so, some (2), surprise, taking, that, the (5), there, these, thing (2), thought, time, to (3), truly, un-special, un-unique, updating, was, Web, well (3), when, who, will, y'all, you (6).

Ironick (sp?)

2005-12-05T14:42:00.000-06:00

Hmmm... I was just wondering: why does BlogSpot's spell checker suggest replacement words for the term "blog?" Did I mean "bloc," "Bloch," "blows," "bloke," "blocs," "block," "bolos," "bloc's," "blouse" or "blocky"? No, I don't believe so... I mean, I know that Merriam-Webster doesn't have a reference to the word, but wouldn't you think BlogSpot would make an exception? For this term at the very least?

Alright, 'nuff ramblin'...

"Party Hearty, Marty"

2005-12-05T14:15:00.000-06:00

OK, hcff and robguy seem less than enthused by my blog. Specifically, hcff said that he thought for sure he'd see a post about my recent endeavor into the world of Casino Party Blackjack dealing. Well, I'm doing it. The dealing, that is... I knew it wasn't going to make me rich, but I knew I'd have a blast.

This past Saturday was my first effort, at a local country club. It was quite fun. It started out a bit slow because I was helping with the setup, so other dealers got the choice tables. Then a couple other dealers and myself waited while a room of older diners finished their meals and conversations. Once one of the dinner tables was emptied, we began setting up some Blackjack tables in that room: two sitting tables and one standing. Well, once again my generous personality netted me the left-overs as the other two dealers took the sitting tables and I got the standing. Oh well, no biggie. Just had to remain upright for a few hours. But I can take it. Anyway, it was a slow start as it took a little while for the partiers to realize there were other rooms. Then once they did, they opted to sit down before stand. Eventually, they found me, and I had people at my table the rest of the evening.

Well, I hope my friends who've already heard this will forgive me for repeating it, but I just have to say that while they weren't playing with real money, they were playing with real alcohol. Yep, some of them were certainly feeling no pain.

Highlights? Hmmm...I had one beer spilled on my table. One glass of wine knocked off the table where it shattered on the floor. One woman, (who kept calling me a 'bitch' when she'd lose), received 3 glasses of red wine almost simultaneously due to a bit of miscommunication between her friend, myself, the servers, and who knows who else. OK, in retrospect, those highlights seem kind of dull. But trust me, I had a great time and am looking forward to future opportunities.

Good Show

2005-11-07T23:24:00.000-06:00

Went and saw a decent show last Friday. Part of the "Friends of Bob & Tom Comedy Tour. This was the Friday, November 4th show including David Crowe, Greg Warren, Mike Birbiglia and Auggie Smith. I'm not much of a Bob & Tom fan, but this was a good deal: 4 comics, about 2.5 hours of comedy, for $25.