I've always said I'm the best man...

...this just proves it!

My Dad got re-married this last weekend, and chose me to be his best man. I stressed over the speech for a bit, but then finally put something together that I thought would work. Though I was still nervous. I decided that the best route would be for me to go with something a little humorous, but still with some heart. It's just who I am. :)

At his reception, my Dad found me mingling amongst the guests, (the happy couple wanted mingling), and told me, "better come up to the head table. We're going to do the champagne toast now."

"When should I do my speech?" I asked.

"You can do it before the toast," he said. "Or if you don't get to it, it's no big deal."

I think he could feel the steam beginning to come off my face. I had worked quite a while on that speech, and had stressed over it even longer. There was no way I was not giving that speech now. So I did it before the champagne toast.

I ad-libbed a little at the start and people seemed responsive. They were already laughing at me, (I get that a lot), so I felt that I would be OK. When the speech was over, I had so many people coming up to tell me how great they thought it was, that I almost grew tired (NOT!) of it. I had people telling me it was funny, yet touching. That it was one of the best 'best man' speeches that they had ever heard. One or two even called it "the best" such speech they had ever heard. Granted, there were probably some obligatory compliments in there, enhanced by the effects of alcohol, but still, I was quite happy.

And so, without further adieu, I give you...my speech, (sans ad-libbing...or laughter - you'll have to put that in yourself):

Once I began the task of writing this speech, I realized how daunting a task like this can be. It is a process of looking inside oneself, and trying to put some of your deepest, most personal feelings into words. It is exposing oneself to potential ridicule, leaving oneself vulnerable. It is truly a risky proposition.

I struggled for long hours with what to write, until finally I decided that I needed, and would wait for, inspiration, as if from above..., [look to the Heavens, and pause...]

...Nope, still nothing. Oh well, I have a back-up…

It's a big day for you two, Dad, Bev. I am truly happy for both of you and thrilled to see the crowd that turned out to help celebrate with you: family, friends, loved ones... Trevor... (my cousin...)

Not every Son gets to see his Dad get married, much less be the best man. This is truly an honor...and a privilege.

I suppose I (could) actually say it's an honor, (privilege) and a pleasure, but to be completely honest with you, I (don't) think the pleasure will really kick in (until after) I know the speech part is over.

We've been through a lot together, Dad. Good times...bad times... I feel like I've known you almost my whole life.

But change is inevitable, and so it is time that I let you move on. That I give you your freedom. The freedom to go and devote yourself to another through marriage, for no man is complete, until he is married – (and) then he's finished.

It is written: when children find true love, parents find true joy. Today we see that the converse is also true.

A little girl at (a) wedding asked her mother (afterwards) why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another." Well, Bev, with all due respect to your "adoptive" Father, Jack, (a long-time friend of her family's who stood in for her departed Father), I think you've made a great choice here.

Comedienne Rita Rudner said, "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." [Point to Dad's ear...] Thumbs-up, Bev!

I suppose, as a best man, it is my obligation to come up with embarrassing stories of my Dad from when we were in college together, or all the "shenanigans" we got into together as kids, but I don't really have a lot of those. I could tell stories of his childhood that I have picked up over the years. Let's see...there was his run-in with the police one Summer when he was caught throwing snowballs at cars. Yes, I said "Summer." He had frozen the snowballs in his basement freezer the previous Winter. There was the time he was caught smoking with a friend after trying to hide a lit cigarette in his pocket and almost setting himself ablaze in front of the friend's Dad. Or the time he set his own Dad's car on fire. There were the numerous times he broke his nose growing up, (or that it was broken for him). Or the time that a drunken roommate of his got up in the middle of the night, walked over to a dresser and peed into an open underwear drawer. Yeah...I always heard that it was a "roommate," but still, I always wondered… (There, I think I've met that quota...)

I could share stories of what it was like growing up at the Pinckney Street Hide-Away (an old local bar my parents used to frequent with me as a kid) with him as a Father, but I don’t know how many of you would remember that place... I will say that having him as a Father was a pretty good deal. He was lenient when he wanted to be, strict when he needed to be, supportive when he ought to be, and generous when he could be, (to Emily), (my sister).

In researching wedding speeches and toasts on the Web recently, I happened upon one toast in particular that I enjoyed. It goes like so, (try to follow along...):

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the amalgamation of nuptial relations in our nation. (Did you catch all that?)

I added the "amalgamation of nuptial relations in our nation" part. The real quote ended "...to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population," but I don’t think that Brittany, (new step-sister), Emily (sister) and I are expecting any siblings any time soon. Maybe in a few years...

Well, they're telling me it's time to go, so I'll wrap things up.

Victor Hugo said, "the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." All of us deserve happiness in life. In one way or another. But remember what Benjamin Franklin said: "the Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." Well, you two have caught happiness. Let’s hope it's contagious.

So, in conclusion, I wanted to tell you, with the utmost sincerity, from the bottom of my heart, (turn page over)

[Act flustered, embarrassed, and continue...]

I am thrilled for you both, proud of ya' Dad, [give him a gentle sock on the chin], and for you, the newlyweds, I propose this toast:

A health to you,
A wealth to you,
And the best that life can give to you,
May fortune still be kind to you,
And happiness be true to you,
And life be long and good to you,
Is the toast of all your friends to you.

Congratulations!

Well, that was it.

"Actions" I carried out are enclosed in square brackets, "asides" I muttered as if under my breath are parenthesized, and "comments" to you, the reader, are parenthesized in red.

All told, with ad-libbing at the beginning and pauses for laughter, effect and such, it was over 8 minutes long. You see that I picked up a lot of ideas from other places, but in speaking with people before and afterward, I never tried to take all the credit myself.

Hope you liked it.